Welfare Articles

Healthy, well-functioning relationships can have a protective effect for mental health and general life satisfaction. Research tells us those with sustained relationship dissatisfaction are more likely to experience poorer mental health, such as symptoms of anxiety or depression. Frequent absences from home can make it hard for pilots to establish and maintain their relationships.

For those who work away, research shows that departure and transition points are times where there is a greater likelihood of an argument developing. The COVID-19 pandemic has grounded many pilots. The abrupt change to income, lifestyle and future employment prospects has been a significant transition and understandably caused distress for pilots and their partners or families.

The impact is also felt by partners who remain at home, often taking on the caretaker role with increased responsibilities or even an increased sense of isolation. Partners often report challenges with demands and reduced work-life flexibility.

For relationships and families to thrive, high levels of communication and cohesion are necessary. When pilots are away, there are limited opportunities for meaningful conversations.

Enhancinging communication within the relationship, either through making this a priority or obtaining assistance, has been shown to improve relationship satisfaction. Good relationships don’t just happen, they take work.

Building empathy
Empathy skills develop through practice. Too often we get so caught up in arguing about an issue, that we forget how this problem or behaviour may be making our partner feel. Disagreements often get stuck when we become caught up in the specific details of an argument (e.g. “I didn’t say ---------"), these arguments go around in circles and are rarely solved without one person admitting they are wrong and the other person is right.

In the sentence below, it is important to make a connection between a behaviour or problem and how it makes you feel. It is easier to empathise with your partner if you can identify with having a particular emotion – most people know what it is like to feel embarrassed, or sad.

Once you have made this connection, briefly explain why, before asking them to do something different next time.

Remember to make sure your suggested solution is something they are able to do and is reasonable.

"I feel _(emotion)__, when you _______, because _______. In future, can you please _______."

For example: "I feel belittled when you talk over me at dinner parties, because it seems like what I have to say is not important. In future, can you please wait for me to finish before you speak."

Active listening
Now comes the hard part. The person listening, must try to mirror the above statement as accurately as possible before responding or saying anything else. This is key to making sure that they have listened, and they have understood.

Good example: "Ok, so you’re saying that when I talk over you at parties you feel belittled or unimportant?"

Acceptable example: "You feel annoyed that I talk too much when we go out?"

The second example, while somewhat reflective, does not accurately mirror what the first person said. It misses the specific behaviour (talking over them, not how much they talk) and the resulting feeling (unimportant or belittled, not frustrated). Have another go until you can understand where the other person is coming from.

Remember, this won’t necessarily solve your arguments, but it will help you develop the skill of empathy – putting yourself in your partner’s shoes.

General tips for building a successful relationship
Communication is not the only thing that leads to a successful and rewarding relationship. Here are general tips for keeping the relationship healthy and happy: